i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
