after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You made out with two different species that night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
