He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we should paint friendship bongs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
