Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
