The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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