Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
