what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
