why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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