Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
