Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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