The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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