it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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