To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
