Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
