I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
