I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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