My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Randomize
