I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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