You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
