i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
