Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You need a sexual gate keeper
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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