My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ok first of all what the fuck
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
