I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize