Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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