I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
