i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
