I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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