Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize