I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
