Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
