can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
