Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
