Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
