im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
sex in a hospital.. check
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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