guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
