I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
