my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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