My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
