just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
