I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
