So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does it feel to date your dad?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
