Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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