I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
