just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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