I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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