You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
