this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
