She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sext me about skeletons
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
