So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
