There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
