my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
