It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think i just lost a toe
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize