i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize