Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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