they need to just BURY HIM!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize