just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize