We're facebook friends in real life
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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