I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
