Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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