Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
