What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
