my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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