That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
