1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
