We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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