I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize