so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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