oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
