Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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