great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
