True but thats because hes a fetus.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
