I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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