I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
