the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
