and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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