i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
