you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
