We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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