I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
