FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
